CALLING THE SHOTS
Team five," called a loud voice from the doorway to the greens. "I need Penny Cunningham and., damn." There was a momentary pause, "and Joycie Livermore."
"Bugger," Clarissa said. "Your first game of lawn bowls and Mabel Munzie is your skip."
Penny looked in the direction her friend was pointing and saw a woman leaning on a walking stick.
"You'll have to speak loudly or she won't hear you," Clarissa warned, as they made their way towards the woman waiting impatiently by the door.
"What's your first name again?" Mabel asked, after being introduced by Clarissa.
"Penny," she replied.
"Right, Polly, you'll be our lead and spaghetti brains over here can be our third."
Penny was confused, she had little idea of the rules or what required of the lead. "I've never played before," she said nervously.
Mabel glared at her. "We don't have a number four - haven't you played this game before?"
Penny sighed, "I just said."
"Okay, okay," Mabel interrupted. "If you want to play third, behind that basket case then go ahead," she said, pointing to an elderly woman sitting by the green. "But don't say I didn't warn you, Polly."
"My name's Penny," she said loudly, but Mabel didn't appear to hear. Clarissa whispered some parting words of encouragement to Penny as she and Mabel made their way towards Joycie Livermore, who was vigorously polishing her bowl.
"This is Polly, Joycie," Mabel said. "She's on our team today."
"The name's Penny, actually."
"G'day," the woman replied without looking up from her polishing.
It seemed to Penny that the two women had an intense dislike for one another.
With a derogatory "humph," Mabel waved a dismissive hand Joycie and turned her attention to the opposing team and prepared to get the match under way. Restricted by her arthritis, Mabel leant heavily on the walking stick as she bent down and played her first shot.
There was a painful wail and Penny turned to see Mabel, kneeling on the mat, with a distressed look on her face. "Help me please," she called impatiently, "I can't get up."
Penny rushed to Mabel's aid but Joycie, still polishing her bowl only chortled loudly at her playing partner's discomfort.
"Bloody bitch," Mabel muttered as Penny helped her to her feet. She glared at Joycie then made her way slowly to the other end of the rink.
Their three opponents watched in amusement at the confrontation between the two women and when their lead had played her Joycie stepped up to the mat.
"Put your bowl on this side of the jack, Joycie," Mabel called to her.
Joycie mumbled something inaudible as she guided her gracefully along the green. It came to a halt a short distance from the jack, but on the other side to where Mabel had indicated. After the shot the two women stood at opposite ends of the green, hands on hips, glaring at one another.
When Penny prepared to have her turn, Mabel called to her. "Try and place it here, Polly," she shouted.
"Who the hell's Polly?" Joycie asked, as Penny was about to bowl.
Penny stifled a laugh as the bowl left her hand, and she watched it wobble erratically towards the other end. Surprisingly, it up only a short distance from where Mabel had indicated.
On Joycie's next turn Mabel stood over the jack. "Try and get it right this time, Joycie. Put your next bowl here," she said, prodding the air with her stick.
"In your dreams," Joycie said, loud enough for those around her to hear. She bent down and sent her bowl firmly along the green, striking the jack a perfect blow, and hurling it into the gutter at the end of the green. There was an angry expletive from Mabel and Joycie turned to Penny and winked.
Penny's concentration was focussed on the small white ball at the other end of the green as she was about to play her next shot.
"Your bias is wrong, love," Joycie mumbled.
"What?" Penny said, turning to Joycie who was polishing herremaining bowl.
"Thunderthighs wants you to put your bowl on the right, so you'll need to reverse the bias."
"Get on with it ladies," Mabel shouted from the other end. "This isn't a garden tea party."
Penny looked at her bowl. That's not what she was told at her practice sessions. She looked back at Joycie who was still polishing furiously, and the old woman smiled at her.
"You remind me of my daughter," Joycie said, cocking her head to one side. "You're not my daughter are you, love?" she asked.
Penny was about to reply, then shrugged. Reverse the bias she whispered to
herself as she bent down and played her shot. She watched her bowl as it
gathered speed. It had perfect trajectory she thought, as it began its wide
sweeping arc, just as Joycie indicated it would.
A loud groan from Mabel Munzie startled Penny at about the same time as her bowl made a sudden, erratic turn to the right. Everyone watched in dismay as Penny's bowl crossed their rink, slammed into the adjoining team's cluster of bowls and scattered them in all directions - most of them into the gutter.
There was stunned silence around the greens, except for a muffled giggle
from Joycie Livermore.
"That's it," Mabel shouted to the opposing skip. "We're forfeiting the
game," she said, as she collected her bowls and stormed off the green.
"So tell me, Jenny," Joycie said, as she and Penny gathered up their gear.
"How did you enjoy your first game of lawn bowls?"
"Is it always like this?" Penny asked, watching the fuming Mabel Munzie
hobble into the clubrooms.
"No, fortunately," Joycie replied, and chuckled wickedly. "Some days it can
be quite interesting,"
